I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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