my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
