mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
