I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
