guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
