I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
