he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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