all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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