I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
