walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
