So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
