I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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