that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
