It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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