i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
