I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
