yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
