My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
