Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
