ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
