Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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