He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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