So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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