can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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