Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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