Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
