look no pants
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
