did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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