break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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