Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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