I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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