11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
