That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
