he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
