Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize