I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
