just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
