Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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