New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
