Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize