I didn't shave. On purpose
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
