My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
