just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
