They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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