I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
