one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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