Cold hands, warm shart.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
