More tranny stories later!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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