Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize