Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
