I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
