apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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