so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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