Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
