Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
