Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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