He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
