I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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