I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
