I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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