I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
