I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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