i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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