He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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