We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
