you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
