Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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