Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
